Give Me a Reason
A first-date dialogue on the real purpose of every polished “reason.”
Scott and Michelle are finishing their second cocktail at a Downtown hotel lounge for their first date. It’s busy. Fireplace crackling and a piano guy tinkling away.
This dialogue sketch gets at the heart of the real purpose behind reasons. Why are we so hungry for reasons? Why are we always so ready to give them?
MICHELLE: So… why have you never married?
SCOTT: (grinning) Ah, there it is. The question every woman saves for the second martini. Bold. I like it.
MICHELLE: Well, you’re fifty-five and single. That’s deep outlier territory. I’m curious.
SCOTT: Fair. Most guys in my situation would hit you with the polished answer.
MICHELLE: Such as…
SCOTT: Such as career, timing, “never met the right one.” You’d nod, file it away, and we’d both feel very reasonable.
MICHELLE: Then why don’t we just do that?
SCOTT: Because we can make it more interesting. Come on, run the script with me. What’s your best guess? Commitment-phobe? Jaded ex? Lifelong horndog?
MICHELLE: (laughing) All of the above, maybe. You could be emotionally unavailable. Or just extremely picky. Or maybe there’s something really wrong with you that you’re doing a good job of concealing.
SCOTT: Or maybe I’m the rare guy who actually likes his own company. Shocking, I know. But let’s say that I’ve been focussed on my career…
MICHELLE: Vague, but not bad. It would require following up on.
SCOTT: But see what you’re doing right now? You’re playing the careful assessor. A little judge-y by the way. In a cute way.
MICHELLE: Pfft. And what role are you playing?
SCOTT: What does it look like?
MICHELLE: The guy who answer questions with questions?
SCOTT: Or the guy who refuses to follow the script. Because the second I give you a tidy “reason,” we both win the same prize: you stay the smart gatekeeper, I stay the thoughtful guy who doesn’t settle or rush into things. Identities intact. No one gets messy.
MICHELLE: That sounds… like it could be potentially deep, but also suspiciously like stalling under a pretence of going meta. Are we talking about “reasons” or your commitment issues?
SCOTT: (Chuckles) We’re talking about us… here, now. And the game.
MICHELLE: What game?
SCOTT: The mutual alibi game. The same game as when your boss asks why you’re twenty minutes late and you say “traffic.” He gets to be the reasonable authority. You get to blame the universe. Everybody stays comfortable and life keeps moving.
MICHELLE: Not much of a game.
SCOTT: My point exactly.
MICHELLE: And by the way, nice try. Have you noticed that you still haven’t given me a straight answer.
SCOTT: Sure I did. I said “career.”
MICHELLE: That was a hypothetical.
SCOTT: But it sounded good, right? Isn’t that the game you wanted to play? Keep things moving with a plausible reason. Then we have a laugh and move on. I mean, are we documenting an accurate historical record or are we seeing if there’s chemistry?
MICHELLE: Chemistry?! With a reality-avoidant who’s hiding his past?
SCOTT: (smiling) Have you noticed you’re still playing your assessor role?
MICHELLE: I am?
SCOTT: Sure. Until we flip it. Like… (leaning in) you talk about wanting a family someday. Why hasn’t that happened yet?
MICHELLE: (pauses, eyes sparkling) Career.
SCOTT: (laughing) Sounds familiar.
MICHELLE: Coincidence!
SCOTT: See? We’re both pros at this. But if we keep trading polished reasons, how the hell do we actually get to know each other?
MICHELLE: How else do you do it?
SCOTT: Ask me again. For real.
MICHELLE: Why have you never been married?
SCOTT: Just lucky, I guess.
MICHELLE: Not funny.
SCOTT: Ok, ask me one more time and I’ll give you the real answer.
MICHELLE: (rolling her eyes) Ok, why have you never been married?
SCOTT: Because I chose not to.
MICHELLE: That’s not a reason.
SCOTT: Exactly. Now we can have a conversation that’s never been had before.
We Trade in Reasons
We love reasons. We love explanations. We love justifications. We love to give them and we love to get them.
I’d go as far as saying our lives float in an ever-present system of reasons.
Why do you dress like that? → “Real men don’t care how they look.”
Why didn’t you hit the gym this week? → “Work deadline.”
Why didn’t you make it to the networking event? → “Family stuff.”
What’s the meaning of that tattoo? → “Bla bla bla, special person/place/thing.”
Sure, reasons are smart, fair, and defensible.
But our reasons trap us into conversations we’ve had before and trap us into a future that’s going to look like our past.
No risk. No power. Just the same old game, politely traded. “I’ll buy your reasons if you buy mine.”
The other day I caught myself giving a reason for something small. The second I saw what I was doing, I stopped. No, I thought, I don’t have to justify myself.